it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so let's talk penis.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She's the barista slut.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
