and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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