the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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