So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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