shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
