i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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