I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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