I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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