I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
