That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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