Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Boobs are out for the taking
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
