he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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