are you still at the devil's house?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
