Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
