My Higher Power is John Stamos
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
