I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
