if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
