This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
