My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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