My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
