you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
