My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
