You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I currently don't understand fingers.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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