What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
