STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the day after is always just damage control
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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