you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Randomize
