THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
