I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
