I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
