i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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