it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
