So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
