my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
is that a dick in a sweater?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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