I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
