Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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