3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
