I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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