living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
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