She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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