I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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