Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
