Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The air taste purple.
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