She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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