I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My ATM looks so different sober.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
