What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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