Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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