do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
