you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
