Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
