I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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