Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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