the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
