Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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