he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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