I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
