Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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