dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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