dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
